| It has become imperative at last that I cut out the "balance", the "control" ... and let out what has been secret and furtive in me for so long. Shame is the largest single enemy; the sense of being sick, of living a diseased life, is another - the social obstacle, the individual one. I have reasoned it out, this time with my mind; until now what has gone on has been an instinctive process of self-protection, with my mind playing handmaiden to my cowardice - evolving more-or-less successful methods of diverting the issue. Now, I accept what I am; really, knowing all it involves. . . . In this light, it is absurd to assert that there are no sins; there are definitely cardinal sins - sins against oneself, against one' s law. My sin is, has been, vanity of this special sort; the willingness to corrupt my nature. |